God was in the process of creating the universe.
And he was explaining his subordinates ......
"Look everything should be in balance. For
example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.
Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of
the United States. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But
at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....
And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful
nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes....
And here is South America. I have given them lots
of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that
they would have to cut off the forests...
So you see fellows, everything should be in
balance.
One of the angels asked... "God, what is this
extremely beautiful country here?"
God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of
all. "INDIA", my most precious creation.
It has understanding and friendly people.
Sparkling streams, serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great
tradition that they live. Technologically brilliant and with a heart of
gold..... The angel was quite surprised "But god you said
everything should be in balance."
God replied - "Look at the neighbours, I gave them."
*************************************************************
So once three scientists american, japanese, and pakistani are discussing their nation's scientific capability,
and the american says,
"In our country there was this boy who lost his legs in an accident, and we put artificial ones,
and today u know he is an olympic gold
medalist!"
so the japnese laughs and says, "This is nothing.in our nation there was this boy who
lost his hands and legs in accident
and we put artifical ones, and today u know, he is karate champion!"
so the paki laughs and says,
"These are nothing, in our nation
there was this boy who had no brains, and so we put a coconut in his head, and today u know......
he is the 'Military rule of pakistan!"
*************************************************************
Through the center of Lahore there is the new Indo-Pak Samjhauta Express speeding along...
In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful young woman, on old matronly woman,
Vajpayee and Musharaff
Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel. It is completely dark, then they heard a loud kiss and an
equally powerful slap. When the train exits the tunnel, Musharaff is holding the side of his face and
Vajpayee is grinning his face off.
The old matronly woman thinks 'Now thats a fine young woman, Musharaff tries to steal a kiss in the
tunnel and the lady slaps him one! '
The young woman is thinking 'Now thats Musharaff, he'd rather kiss that old
woman than me! '
Musharaff is thinking 'Now that's a smart Vajpayee! , he steals the kiss i'm the one who gets
slapped '
Vajpayee is thinking 'Gee i'm smart!! The train goes through the tunnel, i kiss the back of my
hand and get away with slapping Musharaff'
*************************************************************
Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a around the world' tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow
and finally came to a grinding halt.
Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers,
" Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us. We
need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their life so
that rest of us can be saved."
All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted
"Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.
Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea.
After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and suddenly out of nowhere a Sardarji came forward near
the railing and chanted,
" Jo bole-so-nihal, sat sri akaal"
"wahe guruji da khalsa, wahe guruji di fateh"
"Jai maa Kali, Jai maa Durga, Jai Hanuman"
"jai Sri Ram, Jai siva-sankar, Jai baba nanak di"
"Jai jawan jai kissan "
and finally yelled at the top of his voice "Bharat mata ki jai"
And Kicked the pakistani standing next to him in the sea.
*************************************************************
Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the
barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?" The barman says "Yep, that's
them." So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"
And Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and
one bicycle repairman."
And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman????!!!"
So Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry
about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
*************************************************************
General Zia driving round Islamabad came across long queuesof Pakistanis
outside several embassies wanting visas and entrypermits to go abroad.
He got out of his car and joined a line to find out why so many people
were wanting to leave the country.
No sooner did people see their President with them they left the queue
to return to their homes. President Zia asked them why they were doing so.
They replied: "If you are leaving Pakistan there is no need for us to
go."
*************************************************************
At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to
another,
"Did you know that in our lab we have switched from rats to Pakistanis
for our experiments?"
"Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?"
"Well, for three reasons. First we found that Pakistanis are far more
plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them,
and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do. However, sometimes
it very hard to exterpolate our test results to human beings."
*************************************************************
A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little
girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetary back to the
car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in
the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think
that?"
"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a Pakistani and an
intelligent man.'"
*************************************************************
This Sardar taxi driver in New York would amuse himself by running
over Pakistanis he saw walking down the side of the road. Every time
he would see a Pakistani walking along the road, he would swerve to
hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve
back onto the road.
One day, as the taxi driver was driving along he saw a priest
looking for a ride. He pulled the taxi over.
He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going
to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll get you there. Get in." The happy
priest climbed in and the taxi driver continued down the road.
Suddenly the Sardar saw a Pakistani walking down the road and
instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was
a priest in the car with him, so at the last minute he swerved back
away, narrowly missing the Paki. However even though he was certain he
missed the Paki, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where
the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see
anything, he turned to the priest and said,
"I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that Pakistani"
"That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"
*************************************************************
When Musharraf completed 2 years of his rule over
Pakistan, he wanted a special postage stamp issued,
with his picture on it. He so instructed the
Postmaster General, stressing that it should be of
international quality. The stamps were duly released
Of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the
stamp was not sticking properly, and become furious.
He called the chief of the ISI and ordered him to
investigate the matter. The chief checked the matter
out at several post offices, and then reported on the
problem to Musharraf. He said:"Sir, the stamp is really
of international quality. The problem is, our citizens
are spitting on the wrong side!"
*************************************************************
In order to develop friendly relationship between the two
countries,
I.K.Gujral and Nawaz Sharif decided to visit each other's country
regularly. The first visit was by Gujral to Pakistan. There
Sharif
showed
him Pakistan's modern telecommunication systems. It was so good
that
Gujral
made a call to Rajiv Gandhi in hell and talked to him for 5
minutes !
The
bill for the call came to only Re.1.
When Gujral came back, he
also
wanted
India's telecommunication systems to be at the best when Nawaz
Sharif
visited India. Suitable arrangements were made. Sharif came to
India,
visited the telecom department and talked to Zia-ul-Haq in hell
for 5
minutes. But this time, the bill was Rs. 5000! Sharif asked with a
sarcastic
smile - "Why are telephone calls to hell so costly in India ?" A
High level
diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From Pakistan to hell, it is a
local call,
Sir, while from India it is long distance!".
*************************************************************
Once , Vajpayee is invited to pak. for a talk. He was sitting in the
conference room with paki officials. Next to him Musharraf is sitting on a
table with 3 red buttons. Musharraf presses the 1st button n
pow....Vajpayee gets a nasty punch on his face....the whole paki ministry
is smirking. Then he presses button 2.....bang....Vajpayee gets a
kick....everyone starts laughing.Musharraf then presses button 3
....boom...vajpayee is on the floor..his chair collapses.all paki
officials clap. Vajpayee loses temper n asks musharraf to continue the
rest of the talks in India.
Now in India,Vajpayee is sitting near 3 big red
buttons...Musharraf starts shaking on seeing the 3 buttons. Vajpayee
presses button 1....musharraf ducks in anticipation of a punch...but
nuthing punches him.....he is amazed...everyone else lets out a smile.
Then PM presses button 2...musharraf moves to avoid a kick....still
nothing happens....he wonders again..people have a broad grin on their
faces. The same thing happens when button 3 is
presses...finally...musharraf is pissed off n says "What the hell, I am
going back to Pakistan"
"Pakistan ???, what Pakistan ???" Vajpayee replies.
*************************************************************
One day a Chinese researcher comes up with a new Fighter plane.....that
plane is so damn easy to fly that they plan to sell them to pakis. The
chinese commander hands over 100 planes n instructs his paki counterpart
on how to fly the plane :
Chinese "This is the least complez plane on earth, it has just 3 buttons"
chinese "button 1 to take off, 2 to turn right n 3 to take a left turn"
Pakistani is very glad n then asks "But how do we land this plane ?"
"Thats not ur problem....the Indian army willk take care of that."the
chinese commander replies with a smile.
*************************************************************
Q : What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?...
A : Problem...
Q : What do you call 10 Pakis on the moon?...
A : Problem...
Q : What do you call 100 Pakis on the moon?...
A : Problem...
Q :What do you call all the Pakis on the moon?...
A : ................ Problem Solved!
***************************************************************
Three guys, a Pak, a Sri Lankan and an Indian are out walking together
one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will
give you each one wish, that's three wishes total" says the Genie. The
Sri Lankan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also
farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Sri Lanka." With a blink of
the Genie's eye,'FOOM' the land in Sri Lanka was forever made fertile for
farming. The Paki was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Pakistan,
so that no foreigners can come into our precious state." Again, with a
blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Pakistan.
The Indian asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and
completely surrounds the state. Nothing can get in or out." The Indian
says, "My wish is that you fill it up with water."
***************************************************************
Ashraf, the Pakistani went to London's Heathrow airport to buy his
ticket back home to Rawalpindi . At the counter he found that he was 10
pence short of the fare. Having no other way out, he turned to all the
other passengers and begged.." Will someone please give me 10 pence? I
badly want to go back and meet my Abba and Ammi again!" "Here" said a
Sardarji , reaching into his wallet and handing him one Pound "..keep the
change and take nine of your countrymen with you!"
***************************************************************
There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.
Ten were Pakis, and one was a Sardar . They all decided that one person
should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and
everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the
Sardar said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the
Sardar saying he would get off, all of the Pakis started clapping.
Problem solved.
***************************************************************
You're locked in a room with Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler, and a Pakistani. You have a gun with ONLY two bullets.What do you
do?
Shoot the Pakistani twice to make sure he's dead.
How can you tell when a Pakistani is lying?
His lips are moving.
What happened when there was a power cut at the Karachi airport?
Thousands of Pakistanis were stuck on the escalator.
A Paki news editor got 20 years in prison for calling the Prime
Minister a fool. 5 years for the scandal and 15 for revealing a state
secret!
Did you hear about the 747 jets which Crashed into a cemetery in
Karachi?
The Pakistani officials have so far Recovered 3000 bodies.
Did you hear about the Pakistani admiral who asked to be buried at
sea?
Five Pakistani sailors died digging his grave.
Did you hear about the shutdown of the Karachi National Library ?
Somebody stole the only book.
How do you stop a Pakistani tank ?
Shoot the men who are pushing it.
How do you disable a Pakistani tank ?
Hide the wind-up key.
Have you ever seen Pakistani war heroes ?
Neither has Pakistan.
Cut the rubber band
What do you do if you run over a Paki ?
Reverse and make sure.
How do u sink a Paki Battleship ?
Simple, Put it on water.
Did you hear about the Pakistani helicopter crash?
The pilot felt cold, so turned off the fan.
Did you hear about the latest Pakistani invention?
It's a solar powered flashlight.
Why did Nawaz Sharief decide to have only 4 kids?
Because he'd read in the newspaper that 1 out of every 5 babies born in the
world today is Chinese.
Why do Pakistani dogs have flat noses?
A. They get it from chasing parked cars.
Why did Pakistan only produce 16 Phds in 52 years?
They only needed 16 to spell doctorate
How can you recognize a pakistani in a submarine?
He is the one with the parachute on his back.
Did you Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of Pakistanis?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met
What did Benazir's left leg say to her right leg?
Nothing, they have never met.
Why did it take two weeks for Pakistan to test its bombs after India's?
Because the user's manual was written in Chinese.
Why is it so important for Pakistanis to learn Chinese and Korean?
Otherwise whey might end up dropping those bombs on Lohare or Karachi
instead of Delhi or Mumbai.
***************************************************************
Banta was in the army. During the war with Pakistan, Banta used his
intelligence to kill many Pakistani soldiers. He would hide behind the
bushes and shout Pakistani names like - Imran Khan the soldier named Imran
Khan would get up to say "I am here !" Then Banta would shoot him down.
This went on till Banta almost wiped out all the soldiers single handedly!
Suddenly the Pakistani commander realized that Banta was killing all his
soldiers by fooling them. So he decides to use Banta's own method to kill
him and starts calling him names like Banta etc. Banta realizing that the
Pakistani was using his trick, suddenly says "Who called me?" and the
Commander gets up to say "I called you." Banta shoots him down!
***************************************************************
A Pakistani tourist after a long walk in one of very fancy clean
streets of Delhi (India) found himself needing a toilet badly. After a
long search he could not find any. And eventually couldn't control and
chose a silent corner of a clean street to relieve himself. Once he had
just started, a police official approached him, Hey, What do you think
you're doing here?
Pakistani tourist: sorry I have to "P"
Police: No PP here okay? Follow me...
The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of
grass, flowers and singing birds around....
Policeman: PP here.. have a nice day,
Pakistani tourist: Oh sir ... that is very nice of you, is this Indian
courtesy?
Policeman: No... this is Pakistani Embassy !!
***************************************************************
Pakistan just got their new Chinese fighter planes and sent a squadron
of pilots there for training. Ok, this one is easy to fly", said the
Chinese trainer, even fools should be able to operate it! You press this
button to go up, this one to go left and this one for turning right!"
But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Arfath Pasha. "Oh," said the
Chinese "leave that to the Indian Air Force!"
***************************************************************
One day, as the Sardar taxi driver was driving along he saw a priest
looking for a ride. He pulled the taxi over. He asked the priest, "Where
are you going, Father?" I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road,"
replied priest. No problem, Father! I'll get you there. Get in." The
happy priest climbed in and the taxi driver continued down the road.
Suddenly the Sardar saw a Pakistani walking down the road and
instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a
priest in the car with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away,
narrowly missing the Pakistani. However even though he was certain he
missed the Paki , he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where
the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see
anything, he turned to the priest and said, I'm sorry Father. I almost hit
that Pakistani" That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the
door!"
**************************************************************
A brain tumour patient with terminal disease was informed that he
needed an immediate brain transplant operation. The surgeon told him,
"You can have an Indian brain for $100 dollars or an American's for
$5,000 dollars or I can give you 10 gms. of a Paki's brain for $100,000
dollars." The patient asked, "Why is the Paki's brain so much more
expensive than the others?" Well," replied the surgeon, "we have to go
through a lot of Pakistanis to find 10 gms of brain."
*************************************************************
A big Khan Sahab walked into a bar with his pet tiger on a leash and
asked the bartender, "Do you serve Pakistanis here?". Sure we do,"
replied the bartender, trying not to create a scene. Good," said the Khan.
Give me a beer, and one Pakistani for my tiger."
*************************************************************
An insect falls into a mug of beer...
Englishman : Throws his mug away and walks out
American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Indian : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets
a new mug of beer.
Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer
- Relates the issue to Kashmir
- Asks the Chinese for Military aid
- Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer